I know I say this every time I write a DA journal but I can't help it - it has been a while. I stopped going on DA because I had very little creativity and couldn't really come up with anything. I find it amazing how it's now May and the last time I uploaded a journal was in October...

I also usually only write journals about things i'm stressing or contemplating about. I feel kinda stupid for just posting my thoughts randomly on the internet for a random person to read but I just feel kinda lost. Defeated by my own psyche too. It's been a rough couple months.

For the latter, i'm just tired - yeah yeah i know it's 2:30 in the AM but I can't seem to fall asleep. I'm very stressed [AP exams this week, Prom, Concerts, etc.] and I have too much to think about. Probably in a few min. I'll try moving my ass to bed..

I guess the only thing you've missed, my electronical friends, is that i've had several fallouts with some people, especially a certain man that I liked terribly. I still do, which makes me hate my heart so much. How can I like a man even after he ignores me completely for 2 months? And yet I do, and I feel more defeated after learning not too long ago that he at one point liked me back. Time is everything in relationships; I obviously have my clock on a different time.

I'll keep living because I can't really do much else. But I need closure from him - but what am I supposed to do if he won't talk to me. I have to wonder if I ever did anything wrong for just one day he just shuts his mouth and does nothing. I always have found it funny how the day before that we were probably talking about the most random things possible.

As for the others, I'm fine with them being the idiots that they are. I have my own oasis from school and I can manage being a bit of a nerdy outcast if it means I can be loved on the weekends. I'll ultimately be happy when Summer comes for I won't have to see anyone for a long time.